July is National Family Reunion Month, the perfect time to reconnect with family both near and far away, to share updates, and to reminisce about the wonderful memories you share together. If you happen to be getting together with your loved ones this month, it’s also a good time to talk to them about your shared goals, family resources, and the legacy you want to leave behind for the next generation.
Estate planning might seem too heavy a topic for a family reunion, but this kind of get-together can actually be a valuable opportunity to bring all of you closer together by enabling everyone to speak openly about their wishes for the family’s assets. Often, these conversations at reunions actually can unify family members as they work together toward the family’s future well-being.
If you’re not sure how to bring up estate planning in a way that helps your family feel that they matter and have a voice, we can help you navigate the conversation.
1 | Invite Your Loved Ones into the Conversation In Advance
Instead of springing a “serious talk” on your relatives at your reunion, reach out to them in advance and let them know that you’d like to set aside some time during the event to talk about your family’s legacy and how you can work together to take care of each other in the future.
Remember, everyone likes to feel like they’re being included and that their input in family matters is important and valued. Any ongoing concerns with your family, such as an aging relative’s declining memory or someone’s upcoming knee surgery, are natural lead-ins to bring up the topic of planning ahead.
If anyone is resistant to the idea of talking about estate planning at the family get-together, don’t push them. Instead, try to be understanding, and keep the invitation to the discussion open in case they change their mind.
2 | Be Vulnerable and Explain Why Estate Planning Is Important to You
To begin the conversation, assure everyone that the goal of the discussion is to make sure the family’s future security and well-being are taken care of, no matter what happens. Keep it general—don’t pry into anyone’s finances, health, or relationships. Instead, the goal is to ensure that everyone’s wishes are clearly understood and respected. At the outset, let everyone know that it’s not about finding out how much money someone stands to inherit.
Second, communicate to your family that talking about these issues now is a good way to avoid future conflict, hard feelings, and expense. When family members don’t clearly understand the reasoning behind one another’s planning choices, this can cause conflict, resentment, and even costly legal battles in the future.
Next, tell your loved ones that today’s conversation about estate planning is just a starting point, and that it can be continued as an open dialogue with the whole family for years to come. Nothing binding has to be decided in this initial conversation. Position it as a way to begin to talk about the future health and well-being of your family, not as a conversation about dividing assets at someone’s death. This will help your relatives feel more at ease, and hopefully, be open to joining the conversation.
If you have not yet handled your own personal estate planning, now would be a great time to do that before you talk to your family members. This way when you speak with them, you can share your personal experience and how handling your own estate planning has helped you think more deeply about what matters to you, how you want to live the rest of your life, and how you’d love them to have the same peace of mind about the future as you have.
3 | Set a Time and Place for the Conversation
Rather than trying to find the right moment to bring up the topic during the event, set a time and place with your family in advance of the get-together. Try not to make the meeting sound too serious or foreboding. Simply asking if everyone can meet around the fire pit at 6:00pm or meet at your house for coffee at 9:00am would work well.
I also highly recommend establishing an end time for the discussion. By doing this, your family will know the time boundaries and won’t be looking at their watches during the meeting or feeling like they’re being hijacked. Setting—and sticking to—a schedule for the conversation will also hopefully encourage your family to participate and stay on topic.
And finally, come to the meeting with a list of the most important points you’d like to cover, and encourage your family members to do the same. Keep the list short so the discussion doesn’t go over time.
If there are too many things to cover in the time allotted, that’s okay. Talk about the most important topics and agree as a family to get together again on a specific date either in person, on the phone, or via video chat to continue the discussion and flesh out any details that were left for later.
4 | Focus on Your Family’s Legacy
While talking to your loved ones about estate planning, remember to talk about your family’s legacy and your desire to pass on your cumulative stories, memories, values, and lessons to the younger generation and beyond, not just the assets. A family reunion is a wonderful way to come together, and estate planning can be an amazing tool for maintaining your family’s most important assets, which are all of you.
Let your family know that estate planning isn’t just about planning for death—it’s also about planning ahead so you can enjoy your life to the fullest now, knowing that everything and everyone you love will be taken care of in the event that someone becomes ill or passes away.
In addition, for many of my clients a family reunion is also a unique opportunity to capture their family’s most valued memories and stories through a process I call the Family Wealth Legacy Interview. During this Interview, I help them audibly record the things that mean the most to them, things they want to pass on that are far more valuable than assets. this recording of our loved
If you would like further guidance on how to talk to your family about estate planning, or you are interested in beginning your own estate planning journey, give me a call. As your Personal Family Lawyer®, my goal is to guide you through each stage of planning your life and legacy. If I can help bring your entire family together on estate planning goals, that is even better.